Shut-In: The ‘No Talent’ Talent Show

When I came up with the idea of putting on a talent show, I really did mean a place to show case individual talent. But our family never does seem able to do things properly, and it very rapidly became a ‘no talent’ talent show especially to our teens 🙂

There was much talk and anticipation all day long from the littles; a distinct lack of enthusiasm from Thomas – but that was okay, I soon bribed him with a fresh coffee each day in exchange for his enthusiastic participation (well, maybe not enthusiastic – that was asking too much!)

It was, as expected, hilarious from the word go. Here is each act from our afternoon ‘no talent’ talent show. Some of the ‘acts’ were dire (cough, Thomas, cough), but here goes…

First up was Lillie. She did an incredible (not) performance of ‘Tequila’ by The Champs. For all of you who are unfamiliar with this song, it is basically instrumental all the way through until just at the end when someone says the word ‘Tequila’. Yes. My Daughter. A huge musical talent.

Act two was her hapless twin, who thought she would do some sit down comedy. Well, as you all know, Charlotte is naturally hilarious so there was laughter throughout as she told the most unfunniest jokes known to man (which she had found on the internet about three minutes beforehand). It’s all in the delivery daaarrling:

The third act was Ads. He’d been quite quiet about what he was going to do. He’s been staying with us this past week and has got to know us all pretty well. Soooo, he decided that for his act he would sit still. He felt that the rest of us found this so difficult (ADHD don’t you know) that it would be a highly valued skill. Oh, and we were all allowed ten seconds each to try to make him move:

Unfortunately I didn’t get a chance for my ten seconds because Thomas chose not to take his ten seconds ‘out of respect’ to Ads. Ads was so impressed by this that he stood up and shook Thomas’ hand, thereby abruptly ending his showcase of sitting still skills. He achieved about twenty seconds! Maybe he’s been around our family too much and our inability to sit still has rubbed off on him.

Speaking of Thomas, he was up next. He’d kept what he intended to do under mysterious wraps all day long. So what did he do, I hear you ask? He showcased his ability to sleep. Yes, you heard me correctly. He literally curled up in a ball and pretended to sleep:

Of course, a bundle of bodies was required as punishment for his pathetic attempt at an ‘act’. I didn’t get a photo of that on account of the fact I was on atop the pile up 😉

Now for the real talent show cases! Becs was up next with a gymnastics routine. She did brilliantly:

I was next. Now I had been planning to do some kung foo fairy elephant dancing (not being terribly skilled in anything else) but my youngest daughter guessed what I was going to do so, unfortunately, I had to forgo that act and instead I did an act conducting bells. Now I personally think I should have won, especially as I was one of the few people who showed some, y’know, actual skill.

Then there was Gary. Gary decided (literally two seconds before he went up) to be a teller of Irish jokes. He had an unfair advantage, being Irish (or at least Northern Irish):

Can you believe he won?! I mean, he put no thought into it at all and read the jokes from his Ipad, but being a natural performer he had everyone rolling about with laughter. Hurumph!

Last up was Abigail, who sang ‘Girl on Fire’ by Alisha Keys. She has a beautiful voice and did brilliantly:

We all voted for the best. Gary came first with Abigail a close second.

Such great fun, with absolutely no prep (or talent). Roll on tomorrow when we play ‘Who am I? History Edition.